My tribute to my Granny

She and I had a different bond. Had the opportunity of spending a lot of my time with her. She was not educated in English but i remember she sitting with me and making me do my maths homework when I was in std 2 and my ma was in hospital.

She taught me responsibility and that one should have intention.

Early morning she used to go to the market to do the ‘bajar’ for the family. All the vendors knew her including the maach(fish) walas. They loved their mashi. Never did she receive spoilt vegetables or fish. When she could no longer go to the market, the Maach wals delivered the fish at home. When her helper used to take her bag to get vegetables for her, they recognized her bag n gave the boy whatever she had asked for.

She taught me how to be nice to all people.

After the death of my grandfather, when there was no one to come n stay with her for a few days after we left, she refused to come with us to Nagpur. I remember she telling my dad, :Dilip Aajge chole gele aar fire esche thakte parbo na.’ (meaning if i go away today, i would never be able to come back to live in this house.) She stayed in that house alone for almost 10 years before she left us.

She taught me you have to fight your own battles. People will be there to help but still the journey is yours.

With lots of time in her hand, she made ‘godris’ for the arrival of my daughter, ‘asans’ by hand and also baby clothes. She used her free time for her garden too. She knew how to keep herself busy.

She taught me to keep myself busy always.

When her health started deteriorating and she was restricted to the house still she was so strong to handle herself. Requests to ask her to come and stay with us permanently failed with her telling us that she would do so when the time came and she knew dat she couldn’t handle things anymore.

She taught me self respect and self reliance.

Now she is no more but i miss her so. Kolkata to me was my grandmother. She was my teacher for a lot of things. My recipes were very good and expensive too coz they always involved a phone call to her which never lasted less than an hour. 😛

She may have been my grandmother but she was also a mother to me in a lot of ways. So thank you Dida for being such a big part of my life. Wish u had waited for 10 odd days so that i could atleast have seen u alive.

But thank you nonetheless for all those precious moments you have given me. Keep blessing us from above.

Happy Mothers’ Day to you too!!

– Deedhiti Mudliar

Written way back on 10th May 2015.

Mother’s Day Wisdom

‘Happy Mother’s Day, mom’ chirped my girl as she sat down at the breakfast table. I quietly said ‘ Thank you’ and went about my work when her next question popped up. ‘ Did you wish granny?’, she asked and I informed her that I had messaged her on Whatsapp, to which she indignantly ordered me to call and wish her at the least. I nodded in affirmative and went off to the kitchen. 

Seeing everyone’s happy faces with cards and cakes on their whatsapp statuses, the idea of me getting exchanged at birth or having being slapped elsewhere but my bum,  at birth ran through my mind. However,my confusion did not last long as the bulb in my brain lit up and I realised that my genes were the one to blame.

Belonging to a family of introverts and being inordinately shy seemed to be the source of my plight. The essence of tremendous happiness searing my being but only a smile on the outside to show for, was our standard operating procedure. My earlier attempts to make changes led to my expectations and reality jinxing my stars and there I stood looking like a fool of sorts.

Wanting to avoid my daughter’s questioning further, I did call up my ma but ended up talking about all things under the sun but for wishing her. Now it’s my firm belief that if I traverse off the beaten path and go all mushy mushy, it would ring alarm bells in their minds and lead to a rush of 911 calls to my better half to check for delirium, with the next flight leading to his adm inspection.

However, my close friends and people I care for, other than my blood relations would surely beg to differ for they know, I can go bonkers with my emotions with them. And that people, is a beautiful part of my personality and please mistake it not, for dissociative identity disorder.

And now, before I go the Robert Frost way towards the yellow woods, I come back to my string of thoughts on Mother’s Day……or for that matter Father’s Day or Siblings Day……I do not have a way with words when it comes to them, right now…… I could not do it for my ‘dida/granny’ till the time she was with us……so there are going to be awkward expression of feelings……Changes and subtelities, I have observed, like the hug, my father now gives when he says goodbyes……and I know about the hug we (mom & me) want to give each other but we can’t and instead my daughter gets this big bear hug compensating for both.

My sis and fighting partner, with you, it always will remain a mock fight of sorts… overtly senti business at all, else we both will be giving each other company in some asylum.

So, you see….my morning darbar with my daughter that day resulted in this cascading flow of thoughts and led me down my wacky world, full of my quirkiness.

And now before I feel out of box again, let me take this opportunity to wish everyone a ‘Happy International Family Day!!’ In advance.

– Deedhiti Mudliar
Dt. 11.05.21

Pulwama Attack: Black Day

पुलवामा वार: ब्लैक डे

बड़ी बेहरमी से चोट पहुचाई आपने
न करेंगे माफ और ना ही भूलेंगे हम, इसे
मुह तोड़ जवाब इसका, तो देंगे हम उन्हें।

फर्क रहेगा, पर तरीके का दोस्त
शर्मिंदा करेंगे, जड़ से उखाड़ेंगे…
नामो निशान मिटायेंगे, पर प्यार से हम।

दुनिया देखेगी और तारीफ भी करेगी
हमारे तरीको की नुमाइश भी होगी
तबाह अब हम करेंगे और चू तक न होगी।

– दिधिति मुदलियार

Happy Birthday Dida!!

There from above, I feel your presence
Hovering over and blessing me
Little by little, I slowly realise
How beautifully you have guided me.

The guava and papaya trees ….
And blooming gardenias wait to welcome me.
The silhouette of you standing in the balcony
Is all that kolkata represents to me.

The old house no more
But kolkata still beckons me ashore….
Your heart and soul lies there…..
And it seems, its embedded in me too somewhere.

Be kind and have courage
Not only Cinderella’s mom taught her to be
But through your actions and words
It is what you too taught me to be.

To stand tall amid stormy seas
Have patience where one needs
Life is beautiful with its little things
Respect them all, for its the way to live.

Thank you for being there
Thank you for loving me…
Thank you for being so strong and independent
That I have no choice but to emulate you.

Happy Independence Day, Dida n a very happy birthday to you!! 💝💝💝💝♥️♥️♥️♥️

  • Deedhiti
    Dt. 15.8.20

A Rankling Heart

PC: Flickr Cuba Gallery

The world seems to be crumbling
With what they called a little cold and cough
Though, a surgical attack of sorts for some
The answer ‘ For Whom’ only poker cards could tell.

Caught unawares and completely blindsided
We waited for some ray of hope….
The first casualties were experiments in the dark
And research in over drive to assess more.

Slowly but surely, the orders came
Lockdown it was, to help arrest its game
To fan out its cause and eradicate it
But a crafty sharpnel it turned out to be.

There on the bedside window, he sat
Observing the only world he knew now
His neighbours backyard full of fun…
But for his kidney transfer, he felt locked.

Social media, his window to friends
Sharing his loneliness, his vent
As time elapsed, he grew morose
For there seemed no end to this covid episode.

With time, the wave started to subside
Some relaxed a bit while some too much
His forlorn face, his invite to a party
In the same backyard which kept him sane.

A masked party it was to cheer him up
But a freak accident led to a visit to the clinic
Doctors in space suits, dripping wet
Tried to get him and others back in shape.

Some lucky, others not so….
For some, it was life in covid ward too
Stuck to a ventilator, our life came to a stop
For a view through the glass window, our only stall.

Goodbye, we bid you today, my boy
Now, a little more boredom I would take any day
To feel you, to touch you again
And not just a face out of the body bag to retain.

The feeling of what ifs…..never washes away
Fade it does but at a slow pace…
Preventive, paranoid or adventurous,choice is yours
But would never wish to feel guilty that way again.

– Deedhiti

Time Flies

8 yrs : time flies….

Oh how i wish u were still like this
With your little little hands hugging me tight.
Small things spreading immense happiness in you
And your soulful eyes looking right at me.

I miss those days of adulation
Not that it is missing now…..
But somewhere down the line, you have grown tall
Charming, elegant with a quiet grace and all.

May you grow up to be a fine lady
With stars in your eyes and fire in the belly.
Achieve what you wish for in life
And help serve the society so.

Stay blessed always sweetheart!! 🥰🥰

Is there a light at the end of the tunnel?

Very indiscriminating you are,
For some brutal, others oblivious
A perfect spy you seem to be..
Creating havoc in style.

Trumping Darwin’s theory of natural selection
We seem to have entered the ‘Virussic’ world
Microscopic eyes wish we had
To bat off the virus like a gnat.

Every day protocols keep changing
For medical or administrative, one does not know…
The loss of someone sparks a fear….
And once out of control, it is a tsunami of sorts.

We are done for….O’ Lord…please help us….
So near yet so far….but with no scope for a last goodbye either.
I wish you had some other cards up your sleeve
To bring calm and peace and an end to this pandemic.

Dt. 9.9.20