Everyone has a dream to be something in life. For me, there was no concrete dream. In my school days only two disciplines drew my interest. One was medicine and the other was the armed forces. And in both spheres, service to people and our country is what attracted me the most. Yes, I will not deny that the glamour of the uniform too played its part.
However as time passed, I did not pursue either line and took the path of statistical analysis, calculations and conclusions. I still did keep my interest on, in the field of human biology and did read up on all army valour stories and others whenever I got the chance. I finished my education and did a stint with a firm too for a year before my interests caught up with me but in a different form. I married an Infantry Officer and I quit my job to roam the countryside and take care of my family. So, yes I am UNEMPLOYED.
But am I really unemployed? No, I am not. It’s just that I am not being paid for my services. For taking care of the family comes under things we do selflessly when it is your family. And once you are married to a person in the forces, you automatically become someone who selflessly serves the nation alongside her counterpart.
This military life of mine was a complete new journey into the unknown because both of us had no family background in this field. And what a wonderful journey it has been. I became aware of new protocols, various etiquettes to be followed etc. Not that, one is not civilized but there are some protocols which are followed in military which makes it, a wee bit different than other professions.
Being married to the uniform, I learnt a lot, which would have been difficult, had I made a career elsewhere. In my initial days, I was taught etiquettes of how to behave with seniors, tackle the difficult ones with grace. I learnt how to carry myself elegantly, how only clothes do not make a man, how one needs to be careful in ones dealings and that, sometimes if things are not handled well it can create chaos in one’s life. One also learns to grow up in some areas as the world has changed rather progressed. And we also learn to gauge how much mental peace matters and accordingly meander ones way in a non confronting manner where required.
Dining etiquettes were fun till the time I did not have to pick a fork to eat non veg food. And then all my confidence flew out the window. But thanks for the hearty bunch of people that we had surrounding us who made it easy for me to adapt. They were all very good catchers, always ready for some entertainment and if it involved chicken, then wow.
Being brought up in a nuclear family, it was scary to cook for an entire gang of bachelors but their easy attitude and the camaraderie one developed with them helped us bond over. Everyone contributed in the kitchen and I too learnt how to make food at the drop of a hat for them. Yes, for a formal party of sorts I still had my struggles but when the youngsters come to help you out clandestinely, you realize everything is beautiful and possible.
One day out of the blue, I had a youngster coming over and asking me for coffee. He seemed a little down so I asked him if anything was troubling him. And I came to know that my better half was the source of his disappointment. And at the same time, it dawned on me how beautifully the official things did not perforate our inner sanctum. That cup of coffee still serves as a reminder of all that is good in life. We did have an adhoc party that night and well the next day the official things took its own course but I knew in my heart that we were on the right track to make friendships even in this senior-junior setting. And also, not to forget the charm, the multicolored bottles have, to smooth things over.
Observing, I learnt that when at the top, how necessary it is to give people, the benefit of doubt and be magnanimous. How it is extremely necessary to be good in ones work to help create a niche for oneself and not let be taken for granted. How, being responsible sometimes means ticking off people. Till the time it is done for their welfare, it is good. No one, these days wants to be the bad person but for small happiness in life we are wrecking the lives of people, we call our own. After all, not everyone who messes with you is your enemy and not everyone who saves you from it, is your friend. And when in a real mess, one should know whom to trust before opening one’s trap. This was an important learning of life for me.
This ongoing journey of mine has taught me how to handle my personal life gracefully and with calm. Being part of functions and organizing them while handling a small kid in six yards is no mean feat for our generation. But I swear, I did learn to manage it, to cook fast (though at times ‘khichdi’ still remains my blessed meal) and most importantly learnt time management. It is one of my biggest achievements and all this with my OCD for neatness and cleanliness.
As an introvert person, I learnt to do small talk. Fear of facing the crowd was again completely crushed thanks to my seniors and in part thanks to all the events which kept us busy in our station. Like we do with children at school, one is nurtured to do different things whether one knew or not and guided. This in fact actually helped us rack our brains and come up with innovative ideas. We learnt tough love.
Being good hosts, learning to imaginatively decorate our houses, craftily hiding faults, painting and putting up own canvases in stations, learning to use our hobbies and developing new ones to adapt to places where not much available were our gains. These were small achievements, but worthy ones nonetheless which we could garner.
And all of this, while handling our better half’s erratic schedule, tantrums of our children and their ever increasing load of studies.
I have also had the privilege to meet families of the soldiers, my husband commanded (be it as youngster or as a boss) and talk with them too. These soldier families helped change my vision and perception towards life. To respect them and take care of them became my responsibility for their husbands are the ones who would be the backbones of mine, there in field. And to create a bond with them was an eye opener of sorts. From them, I learnt about the concept of ‘courage under fire’.
Learning how to handle a group of different people and make them into a cohesive group for some joint effort was also a work in progress for me. How little joys illuminate their lives. Working with them, I tried my best to make their experience in the new station beautiful and worth remembering. In the process, I learnt how people react to your proposals. How one can motivate them, how to ignore the ones who can derail things and still work for the overall benefit of those who need it, and more so on how to keep oneself motivated in the face of opposition. To till the earth, you have to get your hands dirty. It was a beautiful experience of sorts to understand how life works. It helped broaden my horizons and hope, as well as theirs to work towards a better and fulfilling life. A life, where in we feel pride to do a job for our country and put it on the map, be it in whichever field, we aspire.
As an army wife, I have had the opportunity to interact with kids of families too. It is nice to know about their life, their aims. Everyone wants to make their lives better than what it is at present. Talking to them, knowing their troubles, helping them add finesse to what they already have, though small is an achievement in itself, for one never knows the moment which can help make a change in their lives. After all “boond boond se sagar banta hain”. They are our future generation and their capability must never be underestimated.
As life progressed, I understood that we all are born genuine but slowly, we learn the various tricks and traits of human life. To observe is not a crime but how to use something one has learnt is a judgment call. Army is all about following orders. And this reminds me of the famous line from the movie “A few good Men” – ‘We follow orders or people die. It is that simple.’ For us, the better halves sometimes we may find it difficult to understand the reasons behind a particular order but now with time I have learnt to have faith in the organization as things are always done for the larger good. And we need to adapt or adjust to such situations with dignity and equanimity.
Also, I believe having an ego is not bad. For sometimes, it comes from a sense of belongingness too. Yes, but where, when and how to use it is an art. Anyone can lead a life just for self, for that is the easiest thing one can do. But living it for others makes us happy and our life more beautiful.
Maybe that is the reason, they say, you put an army wife anywhere, and she will bloom. She is a ‘sampoorna naari’ and a “Jhansi ki Rani” all rolled into one. And, am proud to be one. It is not that things come easy but we learn as we go.
In my journey, I have learnt empathy. Before I assume, I ask. Before I begin with anything, I try to know more about the person. Knowing things and actually putting it to practice are again two different things. I also learnt not to discourage anyone but tacitly guide them. It is a journey where we start at the bottom rung, rise and then come to a plateau, for all cannot be at the top. With time, we have learnt to fight for our own, defend our own and stand together when required for our own. Through these little journeys, we have learnt to fend for ourselves as well as to give back to our society.
So you see I may be unemployed in monetary terms now but am still very much busy. And a day would definitely come when all my efforts will not go in vain but I will gear up and be of service to my nation and also earn for myself. How, when and where are some questions which I have no answer to for now. All I know is I have a long road ahead, first to help build my family and when that job is reasonably done to spread my own wings and soar.
I do have a dream now and it is a wish that my heart has made. Am sure, all the knowledge that I have gained in my journey till now will come to fruit one day. I will win. I may not be perfect but the road to perfection is always open. My learning days will never end but yes my days to experiment with life in real earnest will begin. I will win, I will survive, I will reach my pinnacle.……No one can defeat me in my spirit to rise and shine for I am geared to fly…
– Deedhiti Jai Mudliar
